Letting Go

What a challenging class yesterday! My mind was all over the place. My breath flowed inconsistently and I was overly troubled by the student next to me who sat down for 95% of the class picking at her yoga pants. I've noticed this behavior from her before, but it didn't bother me until yesterday. This time, I just couldn't get over it. I tried to let it go because it did not serve any good purpose other than to obsess. My curiousity kept stealing me away from my own practice. I wanted to ask her if she was okay. Was she sick? Did she not care enough? At one point I said to myself that I was insulted. Then I followed that up with - Why should I care? Next, I blamed myself for interrupting my own practice with idle judgements about a person I did not know. It was truly frustrating. I thought, up until yesterday's class, that my concentration and focus was really coming along. I also thought of myself as a non-judgmental participant, but clearly this is not true. In fact, I'm embarrassed to admit it.

During meditation, I calmed down and brought my awareness back to myself. I don't have a solution figured out should this happen again. The only option I settled on upon rising from savasana, was that I will not place my mat next to her. Just one person over would be helpful. This is avoidance, rather than acceptance. Maybe tomorrow I will feel differently and decide I need to be next to her. Regardless, it is obvious that I allowed (and quite easily) another person to distract me. It wasn't her problem, but mine.