Inversions and the end of a quarter

Tonight I decided to work on inversions with a little help from David.  I wanted to make sure that I give myself the opportunity to feel verticality.  I have always had a problem with inversions, mainly with getting my pelvis in the right alignment over my head.  What I felt when I was finally vertical was a lengthened feeling in my abdominal wall.  Well, actually, engagement AND length at the same time.  It was great!  Also, I think I might need to consider that my back will feel a little arched at first because normally I want to round my back when my head is going to the floor.

It was a liberating experience tonight and one of many experiences from this quarter's yoga class that I will happily carry with me into other areas of my life.

Tomorrow is technically when yoga journals are due (in my case, my yoga blog).  I suppose this could be my last post as it would have fulfilled my class assignment.  I will, however, continue to post findings, revelations, etc once a week as my yoga practice is never-ending and always developing.

So... Thank you Michael Morris for your guidance and inspiration!

Till next week...

Yoga Competition?

I know yoga competitions exist, but I really don't understand them.  To me they are completely separate from yoga practice or the yoga discipline.  I understand that proponents for yoga competitions say it is one way to get people into yoga studios to practice yoga and learn the deeper value of practice beyond asanas, but I think this is a superficial reason.  If someone is interested in learning the value of yoga, he will find himself in a yoga studio.  If he is introduced to yoga through watching a competition, he might be more interested in yoga competitions.  In other words, I think yoga competitions will breed yoga competitors, not enlightened human beings.

That's just my two cents worth.

Revisiting

Today I popped in an old yoga DVD that I used to practice called Baptiste Power Vinyasa Yoga.  It was wonderful to notice slight differences.  Baptiste's language is different than Michael Morris's, however, I found myself translating Baptiste's words into what I have been exploring in Morris's class.

For example, when Baptiste would talk about breath, specifically "oceanic breathing," my ears heard ujjayi.  When Baptiste spoke of drawing the belly in deep, I thought of muscle engagement and the Svadhistana Chakra.

The particular vinyasa yoga I practiced today was a thirty minute session that focused on core strength, so there were more "exercises" for the abdominal muscles, which I needed today.  I found it interesting that it was next to impossible for me to maintain ujjayi breathing when I moved through more tradition abdominal exercises.  It was if my mind kicked into "gym" mentality.  The other thing I marveled at was how quickly 30 minutes passed.  I have more patience and stamina in yoga then I did when I first bought that DVD.  What a happy discovery!

Self and All Else

From the Bhagavad Gita:

If a man keeps dwelling on sense-objects,

attachment to them arises;

from the attachment, desire flares up;

from desire, anger is born;

from anger, confusion follows;

from confusion, weakness of memory;

weak memory—weak understanding;

weak understanding—ruin.

I understand this.  I get where attachment to sense-objects is going.  And as I eat my ice cream, I confess that I don't think I can totally rid myself of desire for sense-objects.  I think, though, there is balance that must be considered.  For me, it is really about dwelling on the attachment.  Moderation, right?

Another reason I think balance is important, is that (for me) I am able to understand the world if I acknowledge desires; not completely give way to them all the time, but acknowledge and understand them just the same.  It's human nature to have desire.  If I completely ignore what desire feels like, I don't think I would understand everyone else around me.

It's counter-intuitive for me to think of detaching myself from everything and everyone in order to explore the idea of universal Consciousness.  However, I know that when I "sequester" myself (to borrow the words from my last post) to my room to meditate, I am detaching myself from everything and everyone in order to get in touch with my own Self.  After meditation, I am a much more centered person, more grounded and more accepting of others.

Admittedly, this week has lacked the same dedication to meditation that I had the week before.  I literally have been falling asleep while doing coursework.  Tomorrow is Saturday and I will be practicing yoga  and meditating.  I'll get back to another post tomorrow, writing about breath and whatever else comes up.

Ah, Breath!

Even though today is quite hectic, I was able to sequester myself for 15 minutes of meditation.  I went through the chakras and felt much freer today than yesterday morning.  I also worked on breath and found that too to be an easier time.  The root and crown chakras were still harder than the others, but I felt more aware of them than yesterday.

I'm closing this post with a quote from "The Breathing Book: Vitality & Good Heath Through Essential Breath Work" by Donna Farhi

"First of all the twinkling stars vibrated, but remained motionless in space, then all the celestial globes were united into one series of movements ... Firmament and planets both disappeared, but the might breath which gives life to all things and in which all is bound up remained."  Vincent Van Gogh

Guided Meditation

For the most part, I have continued my ritual of evening stretching and meditation before going to bed. Last night I was completely spent so I decided to try something new and go through a guided meditation this morning instead. Here are my findings:

1. Despite the preliminary stretching I do before I even get out of bed, I was still pretty stiff when sitting in meditation this morning.
2. I'm already in a hurry because I know I have to go to work/campus, so it was a little more difficult to concentrate or to relax.
3. There were three chakras that I felt most comfortable directing my attention. I found that the Svadhistana Chakra (associated with emotions) was comforting and warm. I easily directed my attention there. The Anahata Chakra (associated with the expansive nature of love) had quite the same effect. I also felt my eyes relax. My eyes and forehead relaxed even further when I focused my attention to my Ajna Chakra (Third Eye).
4. The Muladhara Chakra (Root Chakra) was really hard for me to access.  I kept thinking about how my feet ached.  I tried to redirect my breathing more actively towards my feet, but this was very difficult.  I wonder if the issues I have with my feet lately are a reflection of the fact that I am still adjusting to the newness of grad school.
5. I felt a little queazy breathing through my Manipura Chakra (located around the Solar Plexus).  Could it be the morning?
6. My Vissuddha Chakra (Throat Chakra) was a little congested, which is funny because I am constantly working on being articulate throughout class discussions.
7. The Sahasrara Chakra (Crown Chakra) prompted me to sit up straight again.  (While I was really comfortable focusing my attention to my Ajna Chakra, I think I let my spine round and sink.)  When the guide announced, "I know," I questioned what that meant.  I think "knowing" doesn't necessarily mean "knowing everything", but "knowing that there are things you might not know."  Also there is much to learn about enlightment.  Isn't that a life-long quest?

Shift in Perception

This week's journal prompt comes from The Splendor of Recognition: An Exploration of the Pratyabhijña-hrdayam, a Text on the Ancient Science of the Soul by Swami Shantananda.  I've decided to include two of the quotes and they're pretty long, but I think they're good to include in the post.  My response will follow. (Feel free to read in any order you like.) In addressing Sutra 10 of the Pratyabhijña-hrdayam, Shantananda writes:

“The five acts [in the eternal play of Conscioussness], the pañca-krtya, which are a fundamental concept in the Saiva tradition, are outline in a passage from Svacchanda-tantra in which the Divine is venerated as the One who brings about emanation (srsti), dissolution (samhara), concealment (vilaya), maintenance (sthiti); and who dispenses grace (anugraha), which destroys the affliction of those who have bowed to him. With these five acts—creation, maintenance, dissolution, concealment, and the bestowal of grace—the Lord carries out everything that happens in the universe. If we pay attention, we can see the pañca-krtya, in the cycles of life that occur all around us: in taking birth, in living, in dying, as well as in the suffering that comes from ignorance of the Self and the delight that follows true knowledge. In the experience of humanity, there is the meeting of cells in reproduction, the maintenance of the tissues and physical functions, and their demise. There is also lack of awareness [concealment] that this vital organism we call ‘the body’ is a function of our thoughts, and the grace of experiencing the nature of our innermost being.

“Sutra 10 invites us to contemplate that we, too, carry out Siva’s dance, performing the pañca-krtya, just as he does. We can verify this by observing ourselves. Consider what’s happening for you right now. The words you are reading at this moment are your creation, srsti. I might have written them, but they exist for you only through your own perception. In that sense, you are creating them anew at this moment. As these words continue being present in your perception, you maintain them, sthiti. They exist and are meaningful to you because you, as a conscious being, make them real. As you continue reading, the words that you perceived earlier disappear; you dissolve them, samhara. If you were to close your eyes, the entire book would disappear, together with everything you might have been seeing up to that moment. These are aspects of everyday life. Now come the two most crucial actions. Do you realize that there is no essential difference between you and what you perceive? In other words, are you experiencing everything as Self in this moment? If the answer is no, that means you are engaging in the act of concealment, vilaya. However, if you are experiencing the essential identity between your I-consciousness and the objects of your perception, then you have accomplished the act of grace, anugraha. (204-205)”

I started a new ritual after Monday's post.  I had to.  I have resolved to take a hot shower every night, drink some hot tea, engage in restorative stretching, meditate, and then go to sleep - no matter if it is after midnight.  My meditation has been more of a review for myself of the day - of the times during when I smiled or discovered something new.

This is what I have discovered and why I feel this added commitment is necessary:  I have to do more for myself in order to understand the enormous amount of new information and all the revelations that I am experiencing on a daily basis.  Or else, I'm not sure I am fully appreciating all this.  I am learning that graduate school is, of course, a wonderful opportunity for personal growth, but it is also a process of breaking down things I thought I knew of myself - sort of shattering my ego and shifting my idea of reality.  At first, this is disconcerting and hard to handle.  I am quick to judge myself harshly, so it is easy to hold onto what might seem like the negative aspects of this process.  However, it doesn't have to be about the negative and I am finding (and am hungry for) the positive result of finding myself new in each day - of finding a reality where I am opening to grace.  My practice can no longer consist of showing up to yoga class twice a week, making a couple of posts in this blog and then thinking that alone will sustain me; that reality has shown itself to be one of instability.  I need the time to let certain concepts and acknowledgements sink in and this is something I have to do for myself.

One last note on "letting go." After a long hot shower to clean the dirt of the day off, hot tea to wash everything down, some stretching to release tension and a review of the the positive things (whether it's a smile or a hard lesson), I am free to sleep easy and start a new day the following morning.  I've only done this for two nights in a row, but it has already been tremendously helpful.  In two more hours, I'll perform this ritual again.  Hopefully I've started a good trend for myself.  I'll keep you "posted."

Let go! And I mean it!

I am getting stuck in trying to let go. I have become quite aware that there are things I can easily let go of and others I cannot. And the "shoulds" are getting in my way. I "should" be able to let go of certain expectations in my practice. I "should" accept myself the way I am at this very moment. I "should", but I'm not quite ready yet. Unfortunately I am painfully aware of my inadequacies of letting go and this is perpetuating the issue.

(Deep breath. A yawn and a sigh. And I will continue.)

Lisa Waugh left a great comment on my "Centering" post:

This quote made me think about what I have heard so many times, "We don't accept things until we are ready for them."

Admittedly, I wasn't ready for class today.  I debated not going.  I just couldn't stay home though and think of what I might have missed.  In any case, what I ended up thinking about as I began class, was about loss. LOSS.  If we "let go" of certain things that serve us no purpose, does that also mean that mourning the loss of those things also serves no purpose? Perhaps the mourning is the beginning of letting go? I really hope so!

Something that Michael said in class today might be useful (like a lot of things he says).  What do you put in place of the things you let go?  This is a good question.  I think it's harder to let go of something if you think you'll be hollow without it.