Shift in Perception

This week's journal prompt comes from The Splendor of Recognition: An Exploration of the Pratyabhijña-hrdayam, a Text on the Ancient Science of the Soul by Swami Shantananda.  I've decided to include two of the quotes and they're pretty long, but I think they're good to include in the post.  My response will follow. (Feel free to read in any order you like.) In addressing Sutra 10 of the Pratyabhijña-hrdayam, Shantananda writes:

“The five acts [in the eternal play of Conscioussness], the pañca-krtya, which are a fundamental concept in the Saiva tradition, are outline in a passage from Svacchanda-tantra in which the Divine is venerated as the One who brings about emanation (srsti), dissolution (samhara), concealment (vilaya), maintenance (sthiti); and who dispenses grace (anugraha), which destroys the affliction of those who have bowed to him. With these five acts—creation, maintenance, dissolution, concealment, and the bestowal of grace—the Lord carries out everything that happens in the universe. If we pay attention, we can see the pañca-krtya, in the cycles of life that occur all around us: in taking birth, in living, in dying, as well as in the suffering that comes from ignorance of the Self and the delight that follows true knowledge. In the experience of humanity, there is the meeting of cells in reproduction, the maintenance of the tissues and physical functions, and their demise. There is also lack of awareness [concealment] that this vital organism we call ‘the body’ is a function of our thoughts, and the grace of experiencing the nature of our innermost being.

“Sutra 10 invites us to contemplate that we, too, carry out Siva’s dance, performing the pañca-krtya, just as he does. We can verify this by observing ourselves. Consider what’s happening for you right now. The words you are reading at this moment are your creation, srsti. I might have written them, but they exist for you only through your own perception. In that sense, you are creating them anew at this moment. As these words continue being present in your perception, you maintain them, sthiti. They exist and are meaningful to you because you, as a conscious being, make them real. As you continue reading, the words that you perceived earlier disappear; you dissolve them, samhara. If you were to close your eyes, the entire book would disappear, together with everything you might have been seeing up to that moment. These are aspects of everyday life. Now come the two most crucial actions. Do you realize that there is no essential difference between you and what you perceive? In other words, are you experiencing everything as Self in this moment? If the answer is no, that means you are engaging in the act of concealment, vilaya. However, if you are experiencing the essential identity between your I-consciousness and the objects of your perception, then you have accomplished the act of grace, anugraha. (204-205)”

I started a new ritual after Monday's post.  I had to.  I have resolved to take a hot shower every night, drink some hot tea, engage in restorative stretching, meditate, and then go to sleep - no matter if it is after midnight.  My meditation has been more of a review for myself of the day - of the times during when I smiled or discovered something new.

This is what I have discovered and why I feel this added commitment is necessary:  I have to do more for myself in order to understand the enormous amount of new information and all the revelations that I am experiencing on a daily basis.  Or else, I'm not sure I am fully appreciating all this.  I am learning that graduate school is, of course, a wonderful opportunity for personal growth, but it is also a process of breaking down things I thought I knew of myself - sort of shattering my ego and shifting my idea of reality.  At first, this is disconcerting and hard to handle.  I am quick to judge myself harshly, so it is easy to hold onto what might seem like the negative aspects of this process.  However, it doesn't have to be about the negative and I am finding (and am hungry for) the positive result of finding myself new in each day - of finding a reality where I am opening to grace.  My practice can no longer consist of showing up to yoga class twice a week, making a couple of posts in this blog and then thinking that alone will sustain me; that reality has shown itself to be one of instability.  I need the time to let certain concepts and acknowledgements sink in and this is something I have to do for myself.

One last note on "letting go." After a long hot shower to clean the dirt of the day off, hot tea to wash everything down, some stretching to release tension and a review of the the positive things (whether it's a smile or a hard lesson), I am free to sleep easy and start a new day the following morning.  I've only done this for two nights in a row, but it has already been tremendously helpful.  In two more hours, I'll perform this ritual again.  Hopefully I've started a good trend for myself.  I'll keep you "posted."